if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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