Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
