They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
