So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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