Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
