I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
