I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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