so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
