This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
