Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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