I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize