This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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