He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize