white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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