My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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