While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
