I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
