Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
