I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
