Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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