I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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