she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
