i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
