party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
