Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
