Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
