somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
