someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
