their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
