Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
