he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
