atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
