no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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