I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
