Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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