were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
