Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
