I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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