I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
