Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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