Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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