i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize