it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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