Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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