He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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