it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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