Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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