So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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