i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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