Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I want a musical about memes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
