mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
did i walk over a car last night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
