His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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