My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
