It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
