My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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