Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
