I didn't shave. On purpose
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
