I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
