mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
