5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
