we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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