I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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