thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
