Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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