2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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