i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
