I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
