just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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