The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
