Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
