I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just gargled with NyQuil
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
