He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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