I cannot find my penis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
